My Favorite Three Pieces of Wisdom
These changed my perspective on life and work.
I am notoriously picky about the advice I take. Well, that’s maybe putting it lightly. Anyone who knows me well knows that I don’t generally take advice easily or gladly. I’m stubborn, know my own mind, and I’m an independent thinker who, I’ll be honest, thinks she knows best when it comes to herself. But once in a while I hear something that really makes an impression on me. It sticks in my mind and becomes something I refer to often as I make my way forward in life. I’m going to share with you three pieces of wisdom that have genuinely impacted my thinking. I hope you find them as valuable as I do!
Neil Gaiman’s secret freelancer knowledge.
Fooling around on the internet some years ago, I came across Neil Gaiman’s 2012 commencement speech at the University of the Arts in Philadelphia. I recommend watching the entire speech, because it is full of real wisdom about living life as a creative, but the part that rocked my world begins at the 14:10 minute mark. The secret to being a successful freelancer, which many creatives are and increasingly people are just generally as our economy shifts in that direction, is to possess two of the following three skills:
Do good work.
Get work done on time.
Be nice to work with.
Any two are fine! If you do good work and get it done on time, people will tolerate your unpleasantness. If you do good work and you’re really nice, they’ll probably be okay with it if you’re sometimes late on deadlines. And perhaps most importantly, if you are awesome to work with and always hit those deadlines, your work doesn’t have to be quite as high quality as you’d think.
What I love about this advice is that if you’re anything like me, you read those three things and think, “I can do all of them! If you only need two to be successful, I’m definitely going to make it!” And that’s what this advice is designed to do: make you feel more confident about your chances, but also to show you that success isn’t the result of some magical formula. Just do good work, be on time, and don’t be a jerk.
Enjoy the hungry times.
I was a teenager during VH1’s glory days of behind-the-music content, and it was on one of those shows that I saw an interview with a band that was mega popular in the 80s but had disintegrated due to all the typical problems – substance abuse, interpersonal conflict, manager woes, and missing money. I don’t remember which band or anything from that interview except one quote that went something like this: “The hungry years were the best years.”
This blew my mind. Like most young people, I assumed the best times were when you arrived at success – in this case, fame and money. Sure, this band mucked it up by being druggies and fighting with each other, but that wouldn’t happen to me if I ever achieved fame and wealth (Right? Right?!?). Or whatever the equivalent success was for a nerdy introvert like myself. It was the way the guy said it, wistful and sad, that got to me. Suddenly I could see the band in their younger years, all united in their cause, playing tiny venues and excited that they had twenty people rocking to their music tonight instead of ten. I could see how the getting-there years would blow the having-arrived years out of the water. This was my first lesson that the journey is better than the destination, even when that destination is what you think you’ve always wanted, and I’ve never forgotten it.
Ignore the critics in the cheap seats.
This comes from Brené Brown, and in my opinion it’s her most valuable piece of wisdom, particularly in this era of judgement and shaming. It’s based on Teddy Roosevelt’s man in the arena quote, and the gist of it is that there are people who are brave and get out there in the arena, and there are people who opt to stay in the spectator seats who will judge and shame their every move. Particularly when you fail. And if you are in the arena, you will fail. A lot. It’s just part of being brave. Here’s what Brené says about this and how she handles it:
It’s not about winning or losing, it’s about showing up and being seen.
If you show up, there is only one guarantee – you will get your ass kicked. Especially if you have committed to creating in your life.
If you’re not also in the arena getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.
I honestly find this to be so powerful. Whenever you put yourself out there, there are people who are going to want to launch their shit at you, because they have a lot of shit and it’s making them miserable. They want you to take some of it on. Misery loves company. You don’t have to make yourself a target. Simply step to the side and let it fly on past. Your peers are the other people down there in the arena with you. Live your life. Do your thing. Be glorious.