When You Have a Gentle Soul, the World Hurts You

You are not the problem, and it is not your fault.

You know who you are, you gentle-souled people. You are the ones that life hurts regardless of how strong you try to be. You are sensitive, intuitive, empathic. You feel things all the time, all day, in every moment. All your life, you’ve noticed that there’s something different about you. You’ve been called too sensitive and made to feel that this is bad. Other people often seem like they just don’t want to deal with your shit. You’ve learned to keep quiet and process it all inside. Or, because no one has taught you how to be who you are in this sharp-edged world, your emotions overload and come spilling out in torrents, creating a huge mess that feels like it’s all your fault.

I know you, I hear you.

You feel like there is no barrier between your soft, raw underbelly and the slashing parries of the everyday world. Some days are like sandpaper against your soul. Maybe you avoid going out into the world, because you know it will hurt. It’s not your imagination – you know that inevitably, you will hurt. Some days you can manage your shit and you feel almost normal. But mostly it seems like the world is just waiting out there to rough you up.

I know you, and I hear you.

There are many of us like you out there, more than you realize. But because we live in a society that denigrates our personalities – our gentleness, our introversion, even our tendency toward sincerity and kindness (you’re too soft, gullible, naïve!) – we have grown adept at hiding ourselves and do not recognize each other. Often we do not even understand ourselves. And often – usually – we feel that what’s wrong is within us, not out there in the world.

That’s bullshit.

The truth is this world was not made by, or for, the gentle souls. That doesn’t mean there’s no place for us! But it does mean we have to struggle harder to find our roles. We have tried so hard to fit conventional ones, and it has been uncomfortable at best, traumatizing at worst. Many of us are very strong (although we feel weak!), and can go years trying to mold ourselves to a world that is not suited to our particular skills and characteristics. Eventually, though, we will find ourselves experiencing serious burnout.

Understanding this cycle of burnout we undergo – attempting to contort ourselves to fit into conventional roles to the point of trauma to ourselves – is essential to breaking out of it. Complicating things is that we are often actually good at these roles. Our intuitive, creative natures give us special skills that allow us to excel. But the cost is too great. We are ultimately being harmed by the world we are trying so desperately to compete in. What we need to do is stop competing. We are the ones who forge new paths, not follow the well-trodden ways.

Is this challenging? Yes! Is it scary? Hell yes. But if you are one of the gentle souls, you will eventually arrive at a point where it is essential you break out. It may feel like your only choice, if you are to survive emotionally.

What this process looks like is different for each individual. But you will find that many of the ingredients you need are already a part of your life. Shifting your perspective will help you understand what is life-giving, and what is soul-sucking. It may take time – it took me years! – but it is never too late to begin. Take heart! Having a gentle soul makes you special. The first step is recognizing this and learning to accept and value who you are. This requires you go against a lifetime of socialization that taught you that it’s you, not the world, that is flawed. So start here: Repeat after me: That’s bullshit! Say it again. Keep saying it until you know deep inside that it is true.